Scheduled Activities

There is conflicting advice on how many scheduled activities a child should have. The truth is that there is no perfect answer. The trick is to figure out what works for each member of your family and then find a balance to meet everyone’s needs. 

Staying Regulated

How much downtime does your child need to remain regulated during activities? Regulation is the state in which a child is able to maintain an appropriate attention and arousal level for the activity. Charging down the field is appropriate when playing soccer but not during debate club. A motionless, relaxed body works well when going to sleep but not when in the swimming pool.  

The opposite of regulation is dysregulation, which can be thought of as the fight, flight, or freeze mode. Dysregulation shows that the child is experiencing a significant amount of stress. It may look like a tantrum in a younger child or anger in a teenager. It can also look like a child who suddenly has little motivation to do anything. 

Some children can handle and enjoy doing an after-school activity every day. Other children may only be able to do one (or at times, none) per week. Most children fall somewhere in between. It is a good idea to start with one activity and try it for a few months. Then ask yourself, “Does it seem like a good balance? Are they showing interest in a second activity?” 

Changing Needs

The amount of downtime needed to stay regulated will change as a child gets older. Children under the age of 6 should spend most of their time playing. Even when engaging in a scheduled activity, children should be moving and playful. Swimming lessons, for example, should mostly focus on children getting comfortable in the water, putting their head under the water, blowing bubbles, kicking in the water, etc. 

By contrast, around the age of 6 or 7, children’s activities can typically become more complex. Children can focus more on arm and leg motions when swimming. They can follow the rules of a sport and combine skills – for example, engaging in a multi-step art activity that uses cutting, drawing, and painting. You may start to see children gravitate toward certain types of activities throughout their elementary school years. You may find that during tween and teen years, their preferences change as they try out different identities (artist, athlete, academic, etc.).   

Family Time

As you think of scheduling activities for your children, start with scheduling family time. This is a dedicated time when all family members participate (with the exception of an adult whose work schedule doesn’t allow for participation). Family time can include making a meal, shooting hoops, playing a board game, volunteering together, or doing a craft project. As you add outside activities, be sure to keep some scheduled family time. This allows each family member, whether adult or child, to feel connected to other family members. Family time also correlates with higher academic performance, greater happiness, and fewer behavior problems.  

Decision-Making

When you look for outside activities, involve your child in the decision-making process in a way that does not overwhelm them. For example, you may want to choose two activities you think they will like and then ask them to make a final choice between them. As they get older, most children will be able to handle more of the decision-making, such as choosing one art class from a list of ten options.  

You also want to let children know what opportunities are available to them. You can do this by participating in events as a family. For example, if your family enjoys a musical together, ask your child if they want to be involved in theater. If your child expresses interest in an activity, look for a clinic or one-time event first, before committing to several weeks (or months) of participation.

Proceeding Slowly

Again, proceed slowly. Make sure your child really enjoys the activities they have scheduled – both the types of activities and their frequency. Some children may be fine going to an art event or soccer clinic a few times a year, while others enjoy weekly participation. And when your child does participate, be careful not to over scrutinize their performance. The activity should remain fun for the child, rather than feel like an obligation. 

Seeing Your Children

Parents can sometimes feel that they are not giving their child enough if they don’t sign them up for every activity the child has an interest in, and parents can sometimes stretch themselves thin trying to get each child to their tournaments, recitals, and classes. Balancing family time, alone time, and scheduled activities means what works for one family may look different for different families and even for different children in the same family. The truth is that what children really need is parents who really see them. This, above all, promotes the inner calm and confidence that leads to a happy and healthy child.